Millions of couples suffer from infertility, so why the f$ck is everyone pregnant but me?

Millions of couples suffer from infertility, so why the f$ck is everyone pregnant but me?

Today this is how I feel. Although I know that I am not alone in this journey, with my due date approaching and seeing the belly pictures of all the woman that are due right around the time I was, I am starting to loose hope. Not to mention all every single one of my close friends who decides they want to start trying to get pregnant and then boom within 3 months they are. I am currently at the end of my first round of clomid and waiting for AF to show up any day now. I finally got the results of my cycle day 21 progesterone test and there were ok, could have been better. My level was a 6 and they would like to see a 10 or higher. We are going on 6 months since our loss and I have decided to finally move onto a reproductive specialist and go from there. For most woman this sounds like a no brainer but for me it is a little more difficult. I live in a small town there I have to fly out to see my Dr and for a monitored cycle this is going to be difficult. I was really hoping that things would start to work themselves out but that does not seem to be the case. So this means that I can cancel any plans for vacation because I will have to use my time off for trips to the doctor. I am trying to remain positive throughout this journey because we are blessed in so many other ways but sometimes its a struggle.

Another new challenge that I am facing is that since staring metformin I have started to gain weight. I am a generally fit and healthy person and have been able to maintain my weight but the last few months have just been hell. I have added 2 days of power yoga a week on top of my 3 days of cardio and juicing into my fitness routine and it just does not seem to make a difference. I do not feel good in my body, I have forgotten what normal feels like. I have been researching PCOS diets and it seems like low carb is the way to go so I am going to give that a shot. I am willing to do anything to feel more like myself at this point. I found this poem today and  it really hit home. I hope that I can continue to look forward and try not to let my sadness and frustration consume me.

Thoughts Of Becoming A Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know I will be better

I will be better not because of genetics or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and I prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child . I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, a friend and a sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tired by the fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall

I have prevailed
I have succeeded
I have won

So now, when others hurt around me I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs,

I listen

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten, as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learn a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes

I have learn to appreciate life

Yes I will be a wonderful person